Matthew Wetter Poet Free verse

Zummm

I miss it. 
I miss waking up energized. 
And next to my wife, everyday. 
I miss my son coming home with criticisms on how bureaucratic work is. 
I miss not worrying about my wife. 
I miss her two boys coming home from work 
Quiet, kind, and making my chest swell with pride.
I miss sleeping in my bed everyday. 
I miss the dogs waking me up and not letting me oversleep 
Even on Saturday. 
I miss the illusion of knowing what's going to happen next. 
I miss having a completed to-do list. 

But, I’ll tell you what I don't miss:
I don't miss the terror of walking away 
Unknowing if that was my last goodbye.
I don't miss being lonely-- not just sometimes, but always. 
I don't miss moving through the days like a zombie. 
I don't miss betrayal. 
I don't miss being the target of existential anger
Both mine and others'.
I don't miss being hopeless. 
I don't miss being unsure of myself,
Scared of what other people think of me. 
I don't miss wondering if anybody will ever accept me for what I am.
I don't miss not knowing kindness and love on a daily basis.
I don't miss running out of money at the grocery store. 
I don't miss being lied about.

Life's exhausting, yet
I just need survive long enough to 
Joy. 
Because I'm not where I was, 
I miss my past
And I don't.
Today's not my worst day, 
Nor my best. 
And I…
I'm just tired.

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