Your News In Print

This just in, earth is careening toward an asterisk, speeding toward a footnote, alien podiatrists are monitoring. Elephants have moved in-land refusing interviews to the press. In other news, sinkholes have been rescued from children’s ears. Cyclonic swirls of pelicans have created a weather front scientists are stumped. Excuses from discredited experts have been spotted escaping back to Beijing. Nothing may actually be true except for the asterisks, these random star-shaped symbols are always a tease, a risk, Someone might misinterpret them, call them misinformation.