You say it's love

I write this with a broken heart tarnished mind, I write this with a heart full of love and a mind full of confusion and you say it’s love. I write this with tears running down my eyes and blood oozing from my nose, I write this as my eyes only see him and my nose can’t get enough of his cologne and you say it’s love. I remember the day he said he loves me, oh boy was I happy, I remember the day our bodies intertwined and damn that gave me butterflies, I felt complete when he was near, but that completeness soon turned into fear mmmh it’s funny how now I don’t want him near. I remember the day he pulled my hair and slapped me right through my face and I begged him to stop but he never did cause he also said it was love, I remember the day he pointed a gun to my head and said he’ll take my life when I try to leave and oh boy was I scared but in my mind I really wanted to flee then again I remembered I have an innocent soul that I brought into this world that’s so cruel. “it’s going to be okay, it’s going to get better” mama said, then I stopped and thought to myself does she know how painful it is? does she know that her own daughter is being dragged on the floor like a mop but now the difference from me and it is that I am not cleaning I am staining the floor with the blood that’s coming from my nose caused my lover who is now my abuser? You say it’s love, it’s love when he hits me, it’s love when he points a gun at me and swears to kill me and even if I beg and beg for my life my lover never seems to hear me or am I now going crazy? cause the last time i checked it was only the two ion us in the room but now why is it that I when I scream and say STOP!! he just doesn’t hear me. You say it’s love, what does he love about me? my cute little face that he punches above his weight? or my hair that he pulls so hard that he makes sure that I actually lose some? You say it’s love? I say it’s toxic