You Have My Permission To Shoot Me

( … if you catch me doing one of these.) Naming any baby Finton, voting for Hillary Clinton, complimenting Nascar, moving to Nebraska, using "literally" to mean "very", calling Derry Londonderry, uttering the word "redact", claiming Johnny Depp can act, saying society's to blame, mentioning fifteen minutes of fame, feeling sorry for Amanda Knox, watching anything on Fox, or even one second of Jerry Springer, making speech marks with my fingers, drinking alcohol alone, admiring Sharon Stone, labelling anyone a pagan, sighing "bring back Ronald Reagan", playing Rod Stewart's "We Are Sailing", paying money to see Van Halen ... (and if ever, instead of clever, I say smart, I promise to wear - right there - a target across my heart.)