Pink Girl Poet Free verse

You Can't Find Me

You won't find me in someone else

Im not perfect
I didn't do everything right

I'm not
I didnt

But I tried.

To grow when I needed to
To face the discomfort of our inner truth
Instead of running from it
To fight for what mattered
Once upon a time.

One ordinary day
It became painfully clear

You wanted my heart
Without the responsibility 
of how you handled it 

You wanted the feeling
Of having someone next to you
Without the work to keep it

You wanted my love
Without having to build up on it.

I didn't want to let you go,
You know.
How could I accept
Something I loved 
So deeply
Was discarded 
By someone I loved even more?

So I held the door
Open wide
For every time
You walked out of it

You chose everything else
Pride
Ego
Distance

But never me.

So now,
The door is closed.

Not because I want to.
I never wanted to give up on you.
But because 

I cant spend the rest of my life
Standing in this doorway
Holding this door 
Waiting for someone
Who chose to leave

I loved you unconditionally.
Even when you didn't understand what unconditional meant.

I was patient, 
Even when you couldn't meet me with the same. 

I saw everything good in you
Despite surviving every part of you that broke me.

There aren't many people who will do that. 

Some people will never value love
Until they no longer have it. 

You will experience all the chaos
While you search for it again
But every place you look,
You'll only find people unable to give it.
You'll spend years
Searching
Waiting
Trying to find it again

May the world never fail
To remind you
Of the rare love
You once owned.

One that tried
Forgave
Stayed
Saw you
And wanted you anyways.

But don't come back for it
When you don't find it again
It'll already be gone.

Locked behind the door 
You kept walking out of.

Maybe I forgive you.
I will wish you happiness and joy
I may even always love you.
Some days I might miss you.

But I will regret you.
May that regret
NEVER be the reason
That I forget what it took me to heal.

So no.
You will never find me again.
I was already gone
Before you left.

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