Why Skateboarding Is Illegal

a few years ago i was walking from my car to my apartment. around the corner, i heard a skateboard and sure enough, skateboy mcf*ckenstein comes plowing around the corner. the kid hit a rock or something and beefed all over the sidewalk. i approached him, and stated: "if you vote for george w. bush, he will molest your children." now, almost thirty years later, i am crouched beneath this mildew enshrined bungalow, curdling my teaspoons of tequila. if only skateboy mcf*ckenstein had listened. i don't think he was even old enough to vote. such is the cruelty of fate.