Why Me Father Daughter Relationship

Why me father/daughter relationship important to this papa Fourteen and a half years since death of mother (mine), nary one iota of communication in general and compassion in particular while she lived, now wears heavy and yokes mantle fostering tears indirectly sabotaging rapport with eldest daughter futility doth arise uttering feeble secular prayers, cuz interaction with mother, whose vehemence more deafening than banshee killdeers exceeding threshold of decibels tolerable these ears. Now comeuppance came full family circle, yes that's her within picture frame, when young, innocent, and beautiful, decades before terminal illness rendered her incapacitated and lame. Her second of three born offspring, and yours truly that singular boy figuratively tethered himself to her apron strings, which near omnipotent biochemical bond her rancor would destroy, when lonesome son failed to employ purported adult responsibilities solitary without any even one homeboy never knowing how to maximize potential rather totally tubular at loss advantageously to deploy supposed ducks in a row always imp pond durable feeling cast ahoy shore lee within alien nation, whereby village people observe an exceptionally unresponsive immovable lad - qua zee decoy analogous to stonewall, albeit socially withdrawn emotionally, physically, and socially retracting exhibiting no joy, nor any audible, tactile or visible life stockstill like an abandoned broken toy. Silence spoke volumes mainly I don't wanna be alive antithetical to that basic instinct to survive protestations arose deliberately minus figurative parachute, I took kamikaze nosedive a couple years after two times five orbitz astride planet Earth ne'er did amity, comity, fraternity ever jive, nope not even pleasant hello would fake deaf/mute contrive interaction between kith and kin affection toward parents and siblings (two sisters, not twisted) I did deprive, whence fast forward decades later, a metaphorical wedge would drive roughshod o'er kinship, when fatherhood did arrive though "star student" did connive him (me) to test discomfort zones, yet more often than not inclusive integration abandoned among linkedin with kindling explosive smoldering volcano found wicked volatility expressive.