Jacquie Davis | + Follow Poet |
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Why I Stayed

You said every word you ever said to me
And I swallowed them out of curtesy.
But I can no longer take the pain,
My weight has gained,
under your blame.
And you said that I destroyed you,
So now I wonder why YOU stayed?

The abuse of you was always silent,
But not to me and not at the end.
It was only mildly destructive,
They say when they huff
What a good man you are
And take you in with ceremonnial love.
So now I wonder why THEY stayed?

After words rained, beating now came
On the whole and on the daily, But without pain.
I can no longer feel anything,
I smile and nod to nothing,
Who am I but the little miss thing
You said I should be because no one loved me for me.
So now I wonder why I stayed?

Degradation has his upside, you will see
Is somewhere hidden in the words he spoke to me.
Your worth is only to save
That soul of mine and behave
In a matter that does not disgrace
And oh my god you shall obey and obey and obey!
So now you wonder why I stayed?

It was not always this way.
It was not perfect but it was us.
And all those little things he said
Were hidden in slight disgust.
Not like you think it will be.
From zero to beating your days.
It was all inside that what was said
And little miniscule ways.

You start to want to please him a bit,
Change a thing here and there.
Cause I am already fragile you see,
He know I break without care.
Everything has another light,
He promises to love and take away abuse
Then he turns around you
And leaves you broken and bruised.

And my god did I think I deserve, I deserve it all.
Every broken heart I had, everytime I fell.
I fought him but only did so with tenderness,
He thought I was a horse to break, and not one to caress.
I changed into another me and hated that people liked this.
So there must be something wrong with who I was, if she is not missed.

You see,
You fear turning back
Into your old me,
You fear disappointing,
People resenting you
For wanting to be free.
You fear not loving again,
The way you loved him,
And you fear he will come again
And take you, brick by brick.

I was lucky that I escaped,
When I did, when there was time.
But there were the onces
Who did not make it out on time.

Who sings on the graves of those sisters of mine?
Who mourn on the graves of those sisters that died?
Who forgave on the graves of those sisters that tried?

Was it only me,
Who understand why they stayed?

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