Why Am I Sad
Why am i sad?
Why am i sad when i should be happy, when the sky is full and the sun is shining and the birds are singing, why am i sad?
Why am i afraid when the sun goes down and the sky fills up with darkness and it feels like i’m suffocating and choking on my own words and silent screams of help.
Why am i sad when i have the person of my dreams right next to me, telling me they love me, telling me they want to be my world,
Why am i drowning in tears, afraid of my fears coming to life, being choked by every little demon that has burrowed a nest in my head.
Why am i sad when it should be the best day of my life, when i’m moving on with the people i need right next to me.
Why am i so sad that the voices are telling me to swallow more pills and things are telling me to open up the veins under my skin, letting the stench of death fill the room as i fall to sleep.
Why am i sad when life is perfect and everything is going right for once, why am i sad?
You see, sadness is an emotion,
an emotion that fills you up and puts you to the point you sometimes want to give up the fight,
an emotion that takes away your light and your breath so you only see the darkness,
so you only hear the voices calling to you to just jump, to just cut, to just swallow the rest of the sleeping pills.
an emotion that makes someone count 5 reasons to stay but 10 reasons to leave,
because sadness is a bully,
a bully that never gives up the fight, that doesn’t give up til you give up and you’re laying 6 feet under.
Sadness is a monster that is out for revenge, to taste the sweet blood, to feel the coldness still of your body.
Sadness is my worst enemy, but also my best friend.
Copyright © Jillian Conway | Year Posted 2014
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