why
I have a lot of things
I never say.
Not because I don’t have the words,
but because sometimes
the words feel too heavy
to leave my mouth.
So I keep them
behind my teeth,
where they can’t hurt anyone
except me.
I say “I’m fine”
when I’m tired.
I say “it’s okay”
when it isn’t.
I laugh when something hurts
because explaining the pain
feels worse than feeling it.
Sometimes I wonder
how many versions of me
I’ve created
just to make other people comfortable.
The quiet me.
The happy me.
The understanding me.
The one who forgives too quickly.
The one who says
“don’t worry about it”
when I have been worrying
about it for weeks.
But somewhere underneath
all those versions
is a girl who just wants
to be understood
without having to explain
every scar in her heart.
She wants to be loved
without performing for it.
She wants to say
“I’m hurting”
and not feel guilty
for making the room uncomfortable.
Maybe one day
I’ll stop swallowing my feelings
just to keep the peace.
Maybe I’ll finally understand
that my voice
was never too loud.
I was just taught
to whisper.
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