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Notes About The Poem

Terzanelle, one of the forms I want to work more with. This is my first attempt, and I will keep working on it till I am satisfied :)

Where Every Footstep Cracks

WHERE EVERY FOOTSTEP CRACKS

Walking on ice, where every footstep cracks
Frozen toes in socks that once were warm
Every snowflake on my frigid curls stack

I never meant to do anyone any harm
Every step I take, my disappearing feet
Frozen toes in socks that once were warm

I tried to speak, to see your face, to meet
Your eyes, with contempt still lingering in
Every step I take, my disappearing feet

If I will leave for good, will you please begin
Please understand, my love will not forget
Your eyes, with contempt still lingering in

So desperate my love, I wish we never met
I choose this freezing cold over frozen glance
Please understand, my love will not forget

If I sink deep, perform my final dance
Walking on ice, where every footstep cracks
I choose this freezing cold over frozen glance
Every snowflake on my frigid curls stack

***

December 30, 2016

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Freddie Robinson Jr. Date: 2/16/2017 8:39:00 AM Mighty fine debut terzanelle, Darren. I loved the phrasings in this deep, emotional poem. I literally walked in the shoes of the person in this poem. I really feel the vibe of this outstanding piece of poetic art. Excellent poem. A 7 and a fave. Cool double combo entrée for you. Love and peace, my friend. Login to Reply Darren White Date: 2/16/2017 10:11:00 AM You make my day :) Thank you for the wonderful comment, the fave and the 7.

Richard Lamoureux Date: 12/31/2016 9:14:00 AM I am impressed with your first attempt. Thanks for your visit and kind comment. Happy Newyear. Login to Reply Darren White Date: 12/31/2016 9:29:00 AM Thank you so much, Richard! And Happy Newyear to you too.

Doug Vinson Date: 12/30/2016 9:14:00 PM Darren, per what you said to Dee - do you think it always can be 100%? Login to Reply Darren White Date: 1/1/2017 11:17:00 PM Thanks Doug, I appreciate that... And yeah, neither do I, on the contrary. But in a poetic way addressing these subjects that are so taboo? I am quite good at it, and I won't shy away. I only noticed that in a way 'Erased Memory' upset people and that was not my intention... Doug Vinson Date: 12/31/2016 11:57:00 AM You are the one who knows what is enough. While not advocating shaking hands with gravity at the bottom of the ravine, I do think there is value in writing about feelings, letting feelings out. Darren White Date: 12/31/2016 9:27:00 AM I already scared people with the poem 'Erased Memory'. That was enough. At times like this it's better to try and write words that give hope, instead of throwing myself in a ravine. At least, that is what I think. Doug Vinson Date: 12/30/2016 9:57:00 PM Fully agree - I don't think that as beings we are constructed to withstand the most violent emotions, hormone responses, etc., all that often. "Darker than usual" - I think this is fine, and as far as "keeping it inside," why do that? Darren White Date: 12/30/2016 9:18:00 PM No, it cannot. It's just an expression we use here, and I translated it literally to English, but I guess it doesn't translate well :) What I meant to say is that at this moment in time, seeing the place I am in (mental hospital), my poetry will be darker than usual, and my pain will seep through. Although I try to keep it inside.

Chris Green Date: 12/30/2016 7:13:00 AM At many time in our lives the ice we walk on is thin and small cracks may appear because of something we have said or done, but in time those cracks will fill in as the winter carries on and the ice becomes thicker only to have them completely disappear when spring arrives and the thaw takes the chill away. Nicely written Darren and wonderfully expressed. Login to Reply Darren White Date: 12/30/2016 7:22:00 AM Indeed, indeed.... Things we regret, pain we caused. All those painful issues we take on our shoulders, and hope the ice will be so thick it will carry us to the other side, where we can wait till thaw lets the chill and pain be gently drifted away. There is always a new chance.

Claudia Polydoro Date: 12/30/2016 5:52:00 AM I loved what you did with your words, and it does sound like a hard kind of poetry to write... you worded it beautifully. And yeah, about the feelings it brings, It's the wish to right any misunderstandings that could have caused any hurt feelings... Great poem, my friend. <3 you Login to Reply Darren White Date: 12/30/2016 6:13:00 AM Yes, exactly.That is the message there. Of regret <3