Christen Kuikoua Poet Free verse

When You Keep Choosing the Sin You Hate - Part 02

I am not just tempted, I am trapped.
This is no longer a moment;
it is a pattern.
I hate it, yet I return to it.
I ask forgiveness
while secretly knowing
I may fall again.

Break me if You must,
because I cannot fix myself.
Crush what keeps rising in me.
Destroy the desire that keeps ruling me.
I am tired of managing sin,
I want it dead.

I fear for my calling.
I fear for the work You placed in my hands.
I fear becoming another warning story
instead of a faithful servant.
I fear standing before You
having wasted what You gave me.

Have mercy on me, O God,
not because I am worthy,
but because You are good.
Wash me
not on the surface,
but deep within,
where the desire begins.

Create in me a clean heart,
because this one keeps betraying me.
Renew my spirit,
for it is tired and divided.
Teach me to fear You again,
not just speak about You.

Do not let death rejoice over me.
Do not let hell claim victory through my weakness.
I know the judgment I deserve,
yet I beg You,
do not give me that cup.

Save me from myself.
Save me from the sin I keep choosing.
Save me while I still breathe,
while repentance is still possible.

Then, only then
will I speak again of Your goodness,
not as a performer,
but as a man You rescued.

O God, hear me.
If You do not help me, I will fall completely.
If You do not hold me, I will not stand.

For I still desire to finish my days saying,
“I fought the good fight,”
not in words only,
but in truth.

Have mercy.
Please, have mercy,
oh my Father and Lord.

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