What if?
I try so hard not to think about what if
What if ... I had realized what my son had
done sooner the day he died
What if ... I had pushed him to go go back
to the hospital to be evaluated again
What if ... I had taken the previous day off
despite the fact I had a training
But it doesn't do any good to think about that
because it was HIS decision and I had none of
the insight that I do now
It's still very hard as a mom not to place
blame on myself
I am a caregiver and nurturer
but I have to leave my son in God's hands
and accept that he is now safe in heaven
and somehow I have to face life on earth
and do my very best to keep putting one foot
in front of the other and be the best person I can be
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