We Esteemed and Loved Equally

When I esteemed not myself, you were out there. Living, learning, seeking, somewhere, wanting, Each sorrow held emptiness. We had not met; I had not loved myself. Life was young and I was seeking, too. No positive complement was retained within my mind. A courteous reply and disbelief raging within said, “Thank you.” Education, I thought, should make me important. So, I sat out to obtain it, lots of it! Direction-less, I studied this and that and something else. Science. Certainly if I study that, I will be important. So, I did; and struggled all the way. Yet, there I was, still feeling unimportant. I had picked my weakness as my goal. Some degree of success was gained, a B.S. in the Sciences. Yet, still, I esteemed not myself. Trying to love, but not feeling loved and not loving myself. And not really loving anyone, I guess, and life went on. Art! If I were an artist, that would make me important. I had always loved art, but thought that I had no talent. My childhood neighbor, an artist, said that I did. I believed him because I want to believe, and I began. Painting-by-painting, mood-by-mood, I put paint on canvas. Encouragement came from here and there, but not success. I esteemed not myself, until one day, when I found a special church. A church that taught me that I was a child of God, Unique, with special talents, and loved by Heavenly Father – I started listening; I started believing, really believing. Success was knocking at my door; my self-esteem began budding. I set out to study art formally at college…not for importance, But for myself, to share my heart and to bring joy, hopefully. Painting and creating brought me great pleasure, inadequacies and all. My self-esteem was growing, at last. Then you came into my life and loved everything about me. Unconditionally, tenderly, caring, you gave strength. My self-esteem soared; my love for God was in place. And poetry, which had been laced within myself, spoke out! Self-esteem, purpose in life, and love was found in one package…me. Loving myself took a long and stormy search, but it came, at last! Then, our wanting became joy; we esteemed and loved equally.