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Watching the River Run

I keep watching the river run Always twisting Always turning It’s there I sit Beneath your eyes And mull over dreams of paradise With you Someplace where the sky is white and blue Yet I’m thinking much too much And I hate walking alone It’s not often that I ponder such But when I wander Thoughts come rushing in Willy-nilly I don’ have a special place Where all these thoughts begin From the left And from the right Without warning They attack me when I wake Early in the morning I wish I knew what I had done So I’ll sit here With you standing there beside me Beneath your eyes Beneath the skies Where clouds and birds and angels fly And listen to the waters running free As you watch me Watching the river run

Copyright © | Year Posted 2011




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Date: 5/23/2011 12:16:00 PM
A fine write. I like the flow, with slightly syncopated rhythm. Excellent job! I rate it a 7! Regards, Robert.
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Date: 5/23/2011 6:50:00 AM
Very nice...a quiet, contemplative, and introspective poem that conveys a depth of feeling....I would suggest reconsidering the placement of the repeated line "Beneath your eyes" (perhaps as the first line instead of the fifth line of the poem; and, perhaps, immediately following "So I'll sit here" [Beneath your eyes] immediately followed by "With you standing there beside me")...just a suggestion which I thought would add to the clarity and flow...good job.
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Krieger Avatar
Cj Krieger
Date: 5/23/2011 7:00:00 AM
Hi Leo Many thanks for the suggestion... the other one you made I have revised, but with this poem I believe it would break up the consistancy and beat. Nethertheless, many thanks My best CJ

Book: Shattered Sighs