Cj Krieger Poet Rhyme

Watching the River Run

I keep watching the river run 
Always twisting 
Always turning 
It’s there I sit 
Beneath your eyes 
And mull over dreams of paradise 
With you 
Someplace where the sky is white and blue 
Yet I’m thinking much too much 
And I hate walking alone 
It’s not often that I ponder such 
But when I wander 
Thoughts come rushing in 
Willy-nilly 
I don’ have a special place 
Where all these thoughts begin 
From the left 
And from the right 
Without warning 
They attack me when I wake 
Early in the morning 
I wish I knew what I had done 
So I’ll sit here 
With you standing there beside me 
Beneath your eyes 
Beneath the skies 
Where clouds and birds and angels fly 
And listen to the waters running free 
As you watch me 
Watching the river run

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Zzzzz Zzzzz May 23, 2011 at 12:16 PM A fine write. I like the flow, with slightly syncopated rhythm. Excellent job! I rate it a 7! Regards, Robert.

Leo Larry Amadore May 23, 2011 at 6:50 AM Very nice...a quiet, contemplative, and introspective poem that conveys a depth of feeling....I would suggest reconsidering the placement of the repeated line "Beneath your eyes" (perhaps as the first line instead of the fifth line of the poem; and, perhaps, immediately following "So I'll sit here" [Beneath your eyes] immediately followed by "With you standing there beside me")...just a suggestion which I thought would add to the clarity and flow...good job. Cj Krieger May 23, 2011 at 7:00 AM Hi Leo Many thanks for the suggestion... the other one you made I have revised, but with this poem I believe it would break up the consistancy and beat. Nethertheless, many thanks My best CJ