VETERANS CRISIS LINE NEVER CLOSES
DURING MY EMPTINESS SUFFERING SEVERE PTSD GROUNDED BY ANXIETY DISORDER PANIC DISORDER DEPRESSION AND TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY THERE I WAS BROKEN NO WHERE TO TURN MAKING PLANS TO END MY LIFE RIGHT OUTSIDE MACDILL CARING FOR A RET SENIOR MASTER SGT HENRY WILLIAMS HE WAS THERE FOR ME IN 1999 WHEN I HAD A BREAKDOWN ON BASE AT WORK I COULDN'T LET HIM DOWN NOW THAT HIS HEALTH WAS FAILING AN YET I WAS CRUMBLING HE RECIEVED A PURPLE HEART AFTER BEING BLOWN UP IN VIETNAM HE WORKED AS A MECHANIC ON MACDILL HE WORKED ON FIGHTER JETS HE ADORED ME HE TOOK CARE OF ME 2012 2013 2014 UNTIL HE DIED I WILL NEVER FORGET THOSE WHO IMPACTED MY VERY LIFE HE KELP ENCOURAGING ME THAT LIFE WAS WORTH LIVING MOST OF ALL DON'T WORRY ABOUT WHAT PEOPLE THINK OR SAY HE THOUGHT I WAS BRAVE SURVIVING DOMESTIC VIOLENCE A YOUNG MOTHER OF 8 BUT I FEARED FOR MY LIFE BEING KILLED FOR WEARING WIRES PREGNANT FOR THE FBI I WAS LOST LIVING ON DISABILITY INCOME FOR YEARS I COULDN'T BREATHE I COULDN'T STOP HEARING MY FETUS HEARTBEAT I COULDN'T STOP HEARING CONVERSATIONS ON THE WIRE TAPS I COULDN'T STOP HEARING THE GUN FIRE WHEN MY KILLERS ARRIVED I COULDN'T STOP RELIVING THE IMPACT OF THE IED CAR BOMB THAT CRUSHED MY FACE BRUISED MY BRAIN INJURED MY LIFE LITERALLY CRIPPLED ME I CONTINUED WRITING POETRY WRITING I. MY MENTAL HEALTH JOURNAL DESPERATE CRY FOR HELP I REACHED OUT TO THE VETERANS CRISIS LINE THEY KELP ME TALKING WAY INTO THE NIGHT GUIDING ME THROUGH SAVING MY SELF I NEVER SLEPT NARCOLEPSY DAYTIME SLEEP APNEA I FEARED RIDING THE BUS I DECIDED TO WALK IN FRONT OF THE BUS I DIDN'T KNOW WHY THE BUS I GUESS I DIDN'T REALLY HAVE THE PRIVACY OR THE COURAGE TO USE A GUN OR HANG MYSELF WHAT IF I SWALLOWED PILLS AND THEY PUMP MY STOMACH AND IN SOME TWIST OF FATE I LIVE SURVIVING MY OWN SUICIDE THE BUS SEEMS FAST AND FINAL I THOUGHT THERE WAS NO WAY I COULD SURVIVE A MOVING BUS NOT IN MY FRAGILE CONDITION THE CRISIS TEAM REMINDED ME THAT I WAS LOVED AND I WOULD BE MISSED I WAS TIRED OF BEING HARMED BY ASSASINS CAR BOMBS DEATH THREATS IDENTITY THIEVES ATTEMPTING TO EXTORT MY AMERICAN POETRY BASICALLY POEMS I CREATED FROM MY MENTAL HEALTH JOURNAL I FELT EXPLOITED THE THOUGHT OF MY MENTAL HEALTH JOURNAL PUBLISHED BY GREEDY CRIME BOSS WHO LITERALLY KILLED 9 ELDERLY PERSONS BY FIRE ACCORDING THE THE FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION THE REASON I HAD NO CHOICE TO WEAR WIRES PREGNANT BUYING WEAPONS AMMUNITION DRUGS FROM TERRORISTS FOR AMERICA THESE TERRORISTS WERE SIDE BY SIDE THE CRIME BOSS MY LIFE WAS BEING RACKETEERED BY ILLEGAL IMMIGRANTS IDENTITY THIEVES CORRUPTION A CONVOY COMING TO MURDER ME SEVERAL ATTEMPTS SHOOTING IN MY HOME THE CAR BOMB BLEW MY BRAINS UP INSIDE MY SKULL MY FACE CRUSHED I REMEMBER PICKING PINK BEIGE STICKY FLESH OFF THE DASH PUTTING IN BACK UNDER MY EYE BALL THAT WAS HANGING AT NIGHT MY PTSD PLAYED TRAUMATIC EVENTS FINALLY I DECIDED TO JUST DO IT FREE MYSELF FREE MY ENEMIES FREE MY LOVED ONES OF TAKING CARE OF ME THIS BROKEN PERSON I CONTINUED TALKING TO CRISIS THEY TOLD ME WE WILL COME TO YOU DO YOU HAVE MEDICATION ARE YOU TAKING THEM LET US HELP YOU THEY OFFERED TO REACH OUT TO MY THERAPIST MY PSCHIATRIST DEPRESSION WOULD DROWN ME UNCONTROLLABLE CRYING NONE STOP THESE BRAVE MEN AND WOMEN SAVED MY LIFE THEY ALWAYS ANSWERED LISTENED GUIDED ME AWAY FROM THAT DARK PLACE IS WHAT I CALLED IT THE PAIN FROM THE BOMB THE DISFIGURED FACE THE TRAUMATIC BRAIN INJURY THE RELIVING TRAUMATIC EVENTS THEY HELPED ME CALM SUICIDAL THOUGHTS ENCOURAGING ME TO KEEP WRITING MY POETRY TO BREATHE AND LIVE THEY NEVER CLOSES I NEVER EVER GOT NO ACCESS DENIED IT WAS ALWAYS WE HERE TO HELP YOU AMAZING I AM ALWAYS COPING WITH MY ILLNESSES MY INJURIES I THANK GOD FOR THE VETERANS CRISIS TEAM I KNOW I'M NEVER ALONE TODAY I MAKE SURE I RAISE AWARENESS BY GIVING BACK BY SAVING A VETERAN EVERY DAY I KNOW I AM LOVED NEEDED I KNOW I'M SAVING A LIFE EVERY TIME I OPEN MY EYES EVERYTIME MY VETERAN HUSBAND SMILED AT ME I KNOW WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ANOTHER NEVER ALONE THE VETERAN CRISIS TEAM LITERALLY SAVED MY LIFE SO THAT I MAY CONTINUE SAVING LIVES AS WELL THERE IS ALWAYS A REASON TO HOPE HAVE COMPASSION AND CARE
THANK GOD FOR THE VETERANS CRISIS LINE
FOR SUPPORTING MY DISABLED FAMILY
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