Vegans, Damned Vegans

Foreword: My regular radio station recently held a phone in show on the subject of Veganism... The following was inspired by some of the more colourful callers. Purely for fun, no maliçe intended... Your Honour Vegans, Damned Vegans He sneered when he called me an animal He frowned when he called me a cannibal He called me a killer and said I’m misguided I shouldn’t eat meat because HE had decided His pompous decision was so single minded I showed him my fist... the fight was one sided For pulses and beans were all he had eaten So one little tap and the fellow was beaten I looked in the mirror and made a big grin Examined my mouth and the canines therein For tearing up meat, we got them in pairs Was that evolution or the big man upstairs Why ever we got them, got them we did Some people file them or keep them well hid If your God designed them then that’s problem solved Unless you deny the way you’ve evolved If there was a vote which the vegans then won There’d be a surplus, I hope they have fun When we give all the vegans their very own gun To shoot all the cows, it would need to be done The chicken, the turkey and also the sheep Superfluous now, so no need to keep Thanks to the vegans they’ll all come a cropper I hope that those vegans are good with a chopper But just to show willing I thought I might try it I put myself on a strict vegan diet A vegan for breakfast, a vegan for lunch A vegan whenever I fancy a munch But one irate vegan went off the deep end He seemed a bit miffed that I’d eaten his friend But quitting my diet soon silenced his moans I’ve stopped eating vegans... too many bones