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Foreword: My regular radio station recently
held a phone in show on the subject of
Veganism... The following was inspired by
some of the more colourful callers.

Purely for fun, no maliçe intended... Your Honour



Vegans, Damned Vegans

He sneered when he called me an animal
He frowned when he called me a cannibal
He called me a killer and said I’m misguided
I shouldn’t eat meat because HE had decided

His pompous decision was so single minded
I showed him my fist... the fight was one sided
For pulses and beans were all he had eaten
So one little tap and the fellow was beaten

I looked in the mirror and made a big grin
Examined my mouth and the canines therein
For tearing up meat, we got them in pairs
Was that evolution or the big man upstairs

Why ever we got them, got them we did
Some people file them or keep them well hid
If your God designed them then that’s problem solved
Unless you deny the way you’ve evolved

If there was a vote which the vegans then won
There’d be a surplus, I hope they have fun
When we give all the vegans their very own gun
To shoot all the cows, it would need to be done

The chicken, the turkey and also the sheep
Superfluous now, so no need to keep
Thanks to the vegans they’ll all come a cropper
I hope that those vegans are good with a chopper

But just to show willing I thought I might try it
I put myself on a strict vegan diet
A vegan for breakfast, a vegan for lunch
A vegan whenever I fancy a munch

But one irate vegan went off the deep end
He seemed a bit miffed that I’d eaten his friend
But quitting my diet soon silenced his moans
I’ve stopped eating vegans... too many bones

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