Variations of Mother Goose's Rhymes

As I was going to Saint Ives, I met a man with a serious case of hives! He asked me to scratch his back and I said, "No Way!" I quickly doffed my hat and left there straightaway! Jack and Jill rushed up the hill to fetch a pail of beer, To quench the insatiable thirst of their papa dear. Jack fell down and Jill tumbled down too, Depriving papa of his bucket of brew! Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall; Alas, Humpty Dumpty took a fatal fall! There was nothing left but a pile of dregs, Consisting of cracked shells and scrambled eggs! Mistress Mary quite contrary, How does your garden grow, dear Mary? If you'd weed it and spread some manure, Perhaps it would grow better, that's for sure! Hey diddle, diddle! I saw a cat playing a fiddle, And another tooting a bassoon! Then, a cow jumped over the moon!! No more booze for me at the local saloon! It played tricks on me and I won't go back soon! Jack, you'd better be nimble and very quick, As you take a leap over that candlestick! Jump high so as not to singe your fanny! (And why you'd do that is rather uncanny!)