Uninvited
I stand in the doorway. Prepare to enter the land of the living.
I hear laughter, music...joy.
I am not ready.
I take a deep breath
gather someone’s strength.
It can’t be mine, I think.
I feel you at the back of my neck
tiny hairs tingling with your presence.
Not here.
You can’t come in.
I turn and scold grief like a child.
Grief stares back
eyes wide, Christmas gift in hand.
She softens.
Grows.
I have to come with you.
Invited or not, I am with you.
Now I’m the child.
Begging.
Please. Wait outside.
She sighs, softly rustles my hair.
I will be here. I have no choice but to accompany you.
You have no choice.
You will learn to be my friend.
Let me hold your hand.
I feel her.
Now heavy
Settling into my chest.
Her convincing weighing more and more on my breath.
I can’t imagine her weight becoming lighter.
Learning how to breathe with her there.
Everywhere.
And in me.
Another breath.
Another breath.
And another.
I hold her hand tight.
Enter the room.
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