Two Feet of Global Warming

I walked out of my house today and to my great surprise, two feet of global warming lay atop my car and drive. I own no snow-blower see, so out the shovel came. How can frozen water weight this much? My back struggles and strains… The weatherman did not predict this austere field of white. I swear to God, I hate those fools, they never get it right. At this rate I will never get to the market in town, I’ve got two feet of global warming and it still is coming down. The shovel strains, the plastic warps, as I push piles to the lawn. Sweating this much in winter time just feels so very wrong. I carve a path down to the street, a plow comes rumbling, a wall of global warning flies trapping me once again. Friggin' ridiculous...I'm moving to Texas!