Turn the Heat Up

When you're not home I turn all the lights on and leave them on I turn the heat up so I'm toasty I order out every night I clean out the freezer and throw everything away. I empty out the plastic silverware in the back of the kitchen drawers the chopsticks the bits and pieces of things you save but you wont miss when you're not home I hog the bed I dont fold the laundry I dont even do any I don't clean up after myself although I might wipe a counter. I eat salad standing up I let the dog on the bed I sleep past the alarm I buy my lunch I'm totally joyously irresponsible. (its all true)