Fungayi Elias Ndhlovu Poet Alexandrine

Troubled After 0130

Sometimes when I close my eyes,
I see beyond forever:
A chasm of darkness which is infinite
With it dark hopes of this
Dangerous life I always live.
I do get carried away
As I capture the freshness
Of my own breath, so fresh,
Forever so appealing:
A freshness of thought
In an inward looking globe,
That's my world I understand alone
I always wish I was in it
Living it, just living it.

I wish I could live after I die
In your eyes and mind,
You that has never known me
Known how disturbed I am
Sometimes over things I do.
I figure out nothingness
About life today
Till only tomorrow comes:
That is me.

There are some who come a simple way
Of loving the things I do
I do for myself, so much,
It seems I do for them,
I do for myself.

I have never been selfless
And the greatest joy I have
Is when I am alone
Or with the person I don't even
Try to love, I feel ashamed to be with:
Can't help the nature that holds us.

My life is just what it is,
A closed piece and I am happy if you
Would not see me,
Save smiles, spaces in your hearts:
There is always something incomplete
About your affections,
I wish so many things,
Like this was a world of silence
I wouldn't have to run to you 
For anything, you wouldn't run to me:
Crazy.

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