Today's List

Never die from natural causes Shoot bullets into water instead Drink wine with breakfast Learn to take your heart attacks Love them back with buttered bread Make sure to clean your pistols daily Return them to the store when you are through Wear a crash helmet to bed for protection Keep assault riffles under cover as pets Invest in daylight savings time for safety Take an aspirin if necessary Bless them because they are small and round Save some for doctors, priests and teachers Open the wound on the present and the past Open the window to success Use computer print-outs to predict insomnia Write down everything not said Remember tomorrow is another day Keep doors and closets closed for their protection Last as long as you can incognito Stop breathing...never mind...breathe Walk with shoes in front of you Think the way they do Repeat the process as if they were alive Play with matches that have no heads Burn down conventions (they deserve it) Change with the wind (but keep your clothes on) Keep thoughts to yourself (but not the dirty ones) Sell them to poor people in the park Throw away the list and start anew Think about tomorrow as it thinks of you