To My Wonderful Sons

To My Wonderful Sons Life is not perfect, and most of the time it's unfair, but the days I had my boys, I had not another care. I loved them from the beginning and I wanted them to love me too, so I decided in my head one night, that daily I would say "I love you". I done my best at being a mama, I was attentive to all their needs, little did they know I prayed at night that they would never to leave. I understand prayers are not always answered and God has other plans, but when he took your brother from me, that was one thing I could not stand. The pain I couldn't tolerate, so I numbed it everyday, I wasn't able to cope with it any other way. The pain has no limits and can shred your very soul, I know this for a fact because I'm still damaged and I'm old. Therapist and medication is by far not what I need bc the fears I face everyday is that another child will leave. Now days, my thoughts are altered, my soul is torn , the depression never filters, my spirit remains deformed. The thoughts of losing keith and suffering with depression haunts me everyday, I know that sometimes u don't know what's wrong with me, so u just choose to stay away. I am imprisoned by this illness and I hope you understand that sometimes I forget that my boy has become a man. Words hurt me more than they do most, because the idea of my former self is now just a ghost So I hope you understand this position Ive been put in, and the changes in my mind that I think will never end. So I hope you cherish these thoughts and remember them upon my death, but one thing I will promise you boys is that I will love you unconditionally until take my last breath. Love, Mama 11212022