To Have Me or Have Not

**"To Have Me or Have Not"** A thought just crossed my mind—a problem that has never been resolved. A bitter taste, a bitter cold; I don’t feel any remorse. It’s a path I’ve taken, a road I’ve traveled, with a toll that wasn’t paid. Unsettled thoughts remain, accompanied by cries of unspent tears. I left, but I am not forgotten. "To Have Me or Have Not." Pick or choose? Which direction would you take: Route 101 or I-95? Standing atop this bridge called the Golden Gate, I think of you as you travel with your new companion to your new destination. Looking back, you likely have me in your rearview mirror, while your new friend sits beside you as your co-pilot. Why are we separated? I was the best competitor, the great teammate. "To Have Me or Have Not." My pain, my misery, my shame; the awful regrets, the missteps, and the mishaps. "To Have Me or Have Not." The fog has thickened, and the cold temperature makes me feel as if I’ve reached Antarctica. I can’t see the body of water beneath me. Suicidal thoughts swirl inside me, like a broken bottle of Hennessy shattered on the ground. Tourists snap images of me as I lean forward, my head first, taking my last breath. "To have something is only temporary; everything and everyone has an expiration date." **"To Have Me or Have Not."** Written by JCMT 08/29/2014