thoughts of grief
it’s so weird how life just… keeps going.
the buses still run,
the teachers still write dates on the board,
everyone still laughs about nothing.
but my uncle is dying.
and that’s all my brain can think about.
every time i close my eyes,
i see his face — still trying to be strong,
still saying “don’t worry about me.”
but i do. i can’t stop.
he’s always been there —
every weekend,
two hours at least,
talking about dumb stuff that somehow mattered.
and now they’re saying
he doesn’t have much time.
like it’s just a sentence.
like i’m supposed to keep doing algebra after that.
i don’t get it.
i don’t get how i’m supposed to care about school,
when someone i love
is quietly falling apart.
the teacher asked me today
if something’s wrong.
i almost laughed.
everything’s wrong.
but i said “i’m fine,”
because what do you even say?
that your heart’s breaking
and you don’t even know how to cry right?
i haven’t been eating much.
food feels useless.
sleep feels fake.
i just… sit there.
in my room.
and the silence feels too loud.
sometimes i think about how unfair it is.
he didn’t deserve this.
he’s one of the good ones.
and i’d trade places if i could,
but i can’t.
i can only watch.
and it feels like being trapped
inside a slow, cruel clock
that’s counting down someone else’s time.
and i hate that i’m still here—
behind a school desk,
pretending to learn,
while he’s out there
learning how to say goodbye.
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