This Is Just How I Look

Looking at me, you might think: "He seems angry." "Who fu?ked him up?" "Who sh?t in his coffee?" Everybody listen up! I'm not angry, this is just how I look. Allow me to give you an example of a time I might look this way. Have you ever been trying to get something done for a long time, but things would be just enough out of place, that you can't progress at your optimal pace. And you would try to get back in the mindset that you have to get this thing done, but you know it's not going to get done the way it should, But then, suddenly and unexpectedly, you find a way to cut through the bullsh?t? The feeling of not needing an excuse anymore, feeling capable, and able to work on this thing. It makes you say "Fu?king FINALLY!" And the frustration may leave your mind, but it leaves an imprint on your face as you're working. Still confused? Let me give you another example. Imagine spending your whole life... feeling like you can't do jack sh?t. Feeling like you have no right to say anything until you do everything they can't, or that you can't do anything because someone done it already. But then, suddenly and unexpectedly, you find a way to cut through the bullsh?t. You connect with people, you work together, you make something controversial, original, they see it, they appreciate it, and word goes around and around, and the next thing you know, You made it. You're not even a billionaire or a chart topper, but you feel like you're exactly in the place where everyone else said you didn't belong, And in due time, the Higher ups try to give you an award. You say to yourself, just one more time, I will fake a smile for these fu?king ?ssholes. You dance around the stage, you collect your award, you do a long, fake speech, then CRASH! You smash it on the ground and say "SUCK ??!!" Then you run down the hall, past security and get the he?? outta there! Now, do you understand? Not every smile is real. Some the realistic smiles aren't visible to the naked eye. You can't even see it in their eyes! They've spend their whole lives performing for an audience that will never be satisfied. People like me are good at pretending to be cold, bitter and unpleasant, like they never had a proper birthday in their life, but if you stopped to ask me, "How are you feeling?" I'd say this...and mean only this. "I'm really fu?king happy."