Things That Go Bump In the Night

Things That Go Bump In The Night Outside in the dead of night In boxers, with a bat Something gave the wife a fright My guess, The neighbors cat I'll just take a look around I step onto the grass Ocean breeze, plus cold wet ground I'm freezing off my as* Just three feet into the yard I trip on unseen toys With a CRASH I go down hard and make WAYYY to much noise Cut a toe, and skin both knees I shout one dirty word Followed by "God, if you please" "I pray that no one heard" Lights go on all down the block The neighbors step outside Heard by all, OH That's a shock "Thanks God, oh I'll just hide" Every place I hope to fit I just can't squeeze behind Stepped in something smells like sh** I'm half out of my mind With that thought I turn to flee And how? I still don't know Find myself up in a tree With all of them below Muddy Bloody Boxers ripped My neighbors all around That's the moment when I slipped And struck the muddy ground Someone says "I think it's Rick" I say "I can explain" Truth is most still think "I'm Sick" The other half "Insane" I still blame my wife of course But she just shakes her head Nothing short of Deadly Force Now gets me out of bed