The Wedding Bouquet - Up there Hailey
Without a doubt my second happiest day
was when I 'fairly' caught the wedding bouquet
I used a sneaky play, but I'd waited so long
that desperate ploys could no longer be wrong
The story of my life was failed campaigns
despite training hard and using my brains
Not wanting any strains I'd leave nothing to chance
Tom Cruise in tights couldn't have got me to dance
I'd limber up and always picture success
and study the opposition like pieces of chess
but I'd be a mess when beaten each time
and worry about getting past my prime
At my first ‘bouquet’, experience and height
were the two factors that carried the night
but I was all right - I was young at thirteen
and the loss made me more hungry and mean
The next attempt brought pain and humiliation –
sweet success was dashed by disqualification
I had no invitation, but there are no rules
At least it seems that way, the way the blood spills
My confidence ebbed to an all-time low
but I soon bounced back like a seasoned pro
I again caught the boq, but thought they were jesting
when they said I'd failed the steroid testing
It was very hard my three year suspension
My come-back efforts I hardly need mention
I felt the tension and had sweaty palms
and resorted to using adhesive balms
It wasn't until the day I donned the gloves
I was confident above the push and shoves
but flying's for doves, certainly not for me
because I became prone to injury
Thirty nine years old against youngsters with flair
I was going to win whether foul or fair
People would stare and say I was finished
but at least my guile hadn't diminished
Just winning was no longer enough
I was so weary as the sport was so rough
When sure I wouldn’t **** my next opportunity
I had to secure my financial security
I gave the bookies all of my cash
and bet it all on my last dash
The bride was Steroid Sash - my closest friend
As she raised the bouquet, I squealed, "hard far end"
I caught it and won the appeal
It was adjudged a legitimate squeal
The feeling was unreal and anticipation high
Now all I needed was to meet a nice guy.
That's another story!
(See Chapter 2, Courting Woes)
From David’s book Poems for Wedding Receptions & Poems Definitely NOT for Wedding Receptions! with over 30 poems
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