The Weather Outside Is Frightful

The Weather Outside is Frightful Christmas in Miami is a difficult sell When the outside temp is hotter than Hell St. Nick tries his best in the humid air But soon sweats right through his underwear Partridges tend to avoid palm trees And geese hardly ever lay by warm seas Mocking birds ignore their instinct to tease And French hens never appear in threes Christmas carols just don’t seem quite right With nary a snowflake anywhere in sight And how does one keep his sled on course When the winds are blowing at hurricane force? Those poor reindeer, ‘specially Cupid and Comet Suffer from heatstroke and projectile vomit And landing on rooftops still radiating heat Raises painful blisters on their feet The snowmen and wreaths are all baloney And most of the trees are actually phony The words: “Sleigh bells ring; are you listenin’” Ring kind of hollow, ‘cause nothing is glistenin’ Now I’m not suggesting we give up the spirit That’s not my message; I don’t want to hear it Besides, much of the same could be said about Hanukkah Especially if one lives near Santa Monica