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The Swimsuit Issue

Martha’s* on the cover
Of a famous magazine,
Her cleavage in her bathing suit
Just waiting to be seen.

At 81 years old, she is
The oldest woman yet
To grace the swimsuit issue,
Posing like a young coquette.

I just don’t understand it, though – 
What message is conveyed?
That age won’t hinder beauty
When it’s sexily displayed?

To me, that’s just obnoxious,
For a getting older perk
Is accepting that pretending
To be young just doesn’t work.


*Martha Stewart is on the cover of
Sports Illustrated’s annual swimsuit issue.

Copyright © Ilene Bauer | Year Posted 2023

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Marikate Kingston Date: 6/21/2023 9:24:00 PM I used to live near Martha in Ct. so I thought it was so strange to see her on that particular cover. To me she has always been a colorful character. First jail, then Snoop Dog and now a chef in a suit ??? Maybe some airbrushing or photo shopping going on? What sport does she play anyway Sports Illustrated??? That will be her next colorful character move. Login to Reply

Jim Slaughter Date: 6/15/2023 11:27:00 AM You gotta admit, though, Ilene, that for an old broad, she looks pretty good. Of course, their makeup team is probably, at least, partially responsible. Login to Reply

Paul Bell Date: 6/12/2023 11:36:00 AM If you've got it, flaunt it. In saying that, maybe not at 81. Login to Reply

Ellen Gwaltney Bales Date: 6/10/2023 1:25:00 AM Ilene, I am as disgusted as you are. She makes me embarrassed for all older ladies. You know it's all done with smoke and mirrors (make-up and tucking-in). I don't think she impresses (or fools) anyone. She's also an ex-con. Great poem! Ellen Login to Reply

Mandy Tams The Golden Girl Date: 6/9/2023 3:59:00 AM Ha love it, and I agree xx Login to Reply

Gershon Wolf Date: 6/8/2023 6:32:00 PM Alright, ilene! I find it hideous myself that an octogenarian's cleavage is featured on Sports Illustrated. I get the 'Illustrated,' but where are the 'Sports' in this farce?! Great point! ~ Cover Boy for 'Potato Sack Fashion for Old Farts' Login to Reply

David Fisher Date: 6/8/2023 6:18:00 PM Wow, that is just weird with her on the cover...What next?? Your poem certainly describes it well. Login to Reply

Anne-Lise Andresen Date: 6/8/2023 12:55:00 PM - Posing like a young coquette at 81 years old :))) - Martha Stewart is a beautiful lady no matter what she wears :) - hugs Login to Reply

Jan Allison Date: 6/8/2023 12:48:00 PM each to their own i guess Ilene, I have no clue who she is but I will just age gracefully - no swimsuits for me, the spaniels ears look isn't too good lol I jest by the way - they keep my knees warm - i jest by the way lol lol:-) hugs jan xx Login to Reply Anne-Lise Andresen Date: 6/8/2023 12:57:00 PM - I googled her … I think she was great ...and brave, Ilene Ilene Bauer Date: 6/8/2023 12:54:00 PM It’s worth Googling, Jan! She’s a style/decorating/food celebrity who is trying to look a lot younger than she is. She doesn’t look bad, but I find it all ridiculous…