The Loser Behind the Mask
My mind is a war wasteland equipped with exploding landmines
decisions limited; sharpened claws are sinking into me
scarring my flesh upon impact into my lungs
breathe...I can't...breathe
I admit I'm not sure, I admit I'm confused
I admit I can on;y keep my eyes to the ground
my confession of the day
I claim I'm tough but an arrow to the knee takes care of that stuff
I claim I'm tough, a prince charming, a diamond in the rough
but I'm only a loser resting comfortably behind a mask
What am I really worth to this place
I'm only a carbon based life for taking up space
The lens I stare through is swept with past tears
I've meant to get them fixed but I appreciate the way they bleed
my lips have never parted ways
to explain my reasons for dying today
but there's a dark story still burning in my skin
I was killed so long ago
not by a knife, not by suicide, not by anything physically deadly
no, no my demise befell me mentally through a woman so treacherous
a ghost I became, dazed and conflicted
dragging through a slow haze
until someone planted me like a seed and I resurrected only shortly
Someone was waiting for me with a sharpened axe
to the center of my back
to steal and silence my breath forever
So sound the bugle now, I'm screaming breathlessly I don't care
but it's just a simple lie resting inside thought bubbles
My significant fault is I care too much
you can tell by how low I sink my face into my arms
My eyes are shining with sudden disgrace
I am a product of a warrior built upon the sands of violence
as these tears staining my eyes like rain stains the windows
replaces the blood of glory and bears my grieving weakness
growing colder like ice as I turn to petrified stone
Has the whole world exploded i my face, maybe it has
absently minded, I have drifted through this day
only conscious enough to see
the piercing, soft, aqua eyes looking into mine
I can never hide my pain from her
she knows my discomfort all too well
Where is a brick wall when I need one
I've found it once with the scars to prove it
but I want more, I want to break my hand in swift succession
if only to know I'm truly alive
not just detrimental...just detrimental...just detrimental
I'm in love with too many things yet I can't hold on to them all
I am a failure with promises unable to keep
a loser with high hopes living in an out-dated fantasy
A nail, probably belonging to my coffin
has pierced right through the skin
don't leave me to die here but I don't want any help here
I just need something to make sense; guidance, I don't need words
distraction, I can't run though I want to
I just need to know...need to know I'm awake, to know I'm myself
need to know if my decisions are right
Juliet, can you see me? Juliet, please don't vanish I'm pleading
Belle, would you take my hand one more time? Belle...
I don't know what to do, sorrow is drowning me slowly
the beauty is being drained from my eyes
this has all gone so wrong
Please I'm pleading...don't let it leave me...I need to see it
Please I'm pleading...don't leave me...I don't want to be alone...
Belle, if you only knew I was killed so long ago...
Juliet, if you only knew I wanted you to revive me...
Juliet knows me by so many names, so many styles, so many fantasies
Belle only knows me by one name, melodramatic, concealed in my maze
if only they knew...if only you knew...
that behind my false confidence, behind my deceiving eyes...
I'm a loser, frail and distraught
I'm just a loser behind a broken mask
Copyright © Andrus Cassian | Year Posted 2016
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