The Loop

(This is my first poem about myself, please comment.)

I wake up every single day
telling myself everything is okay.
I laugh, joke and smile
but that will only last a while.

Then I get home, and take off the mask
in a feeling of self identity i long to bask.
Everything I do is just a distraction
because i know i'll never have any self-satisfaction

As I lay down alone in my room alone
a i can wish is that i have a clone.
Maybe they can live a better life
where they don't end everyday with a knife.

The clock goes off so i put the mask on again
I look in the mirror and see a woman,
I'm sure that's what everyone can see
but that's not who I'm supposed to be.

I smile, laugh and joke
it makes me want to choke
No, what I said was a lie
It makes me want to die.

My life is just like a clock
rewinding everyday, tic-tock
and again I walk down the same path
which always ends in a bloodbath.
 
I keep telling myself to go a different route
but I don't and it makes me want to shout.
Day after day I go back there,
How much more must I bear?

Today is the day I finally learned.
At that corner is where I turned.
In the end there is no bloodshed,
so maybe i won't end up dead.
Copyright © | Year Posted 2016

Poem

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Shahein Avatar
November 15, 2016 at 4:16 PM
This is a very deep sad poem and I'm sorry you had to feel this every day but keep your faith in God and keep your faith in yourself , you made me feel like your talking about me but you gotta be stronger , big like and big hug // :)
Murrell Avatar
November 15, 2016 at 6:02 PM
Thank you very much. This is actually for school and I wanted to get some comments before I share with my class, so thank you.
Stover Avatar
November 15, 2016 at 3:35 PM
Extremely intense poem. I greatly enjoyed it.
Murrell Avatar
November 15, 2016 at 6:03 PM
Thank you very much. I was very hesitant to post this because I didn't think it was good so thank you for commenting that.
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