Caren Krutsinger Poet Free verse

The First Non-Funeral

The first non-funeral I ever heard about was for a relative I had never wanted to claim.
She was an evil-soul, mean-spirited, a cruel paragon of human non-virtue.
When I was a child I would have rather visited the dentist,
and I probably have the worst, sorest teeth in the universe 
so that is spelling it out.
She had specifically asked for no funeral, and this was decades before non-funerals were popular.
I knew why. 
She had alienated the neighbors, and the relatives, 
and I mean ALL the relatives, and some of us are particularly
impossible to alienate.
In lieu of a funeral, there was a reception for her.
It was attended by four people.
Her two children, one whom she had treated horribly,
a drinking buddy, who was inebriated, and possibly on something else,
and my sister who does not count as she is a ghoul about funerals,
excited to add this to her amazing I-go-to-every-funeral-in-this-town
count which at that time was in the six thousand range.
I was in town that day, sitting in a chair, pointedly not going to this non-funeral.

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Rhona Mcferran September 24, 2018 at 4:12 PM Terrific description of what many families can probably relate to: the odious relative who has alienated EVERYONE, the "non-funeral", and the "funeral ghoul" who delights in funerals (and non-funerals alike...). Caren Krutsinger September 24, 2018 at 10:42 PM hahaha I think I nailed a bunch of relatives for you, Rhona.

M. L. Kiser September 23, 2018 at 4:25 PM Does every family have one of these? Mine did. I will never understand why people actually want to be that way. Such a waste of their own lives. Anyway, you've depicted her quite well in this poem. Caren Krutsinger September 24, 2018 at 10:43 PM She was quite simply a spoiled little girl who grew up to be a spoiled old woman, selfish to the inth degree.