The Face of Evil

I've seen the face of evil It tried to stare me down It expected me to run But instead I stood my ground Its eyes were bloodshot red Like a hooker high on meth Its teeth were in a glass It tried to gum me half to death Its nose was like a cactus root Twenty times compounded I've never seen a cactus root I just like the way it sounded A hump stood high upon its back That looked like a wayward camel Covered in hair from head to toe It just had to be a mammal Horns fastened atop its head It had such a horrible growl Each time it did, it would drool a bit So I gave it a paper towel I'm telling you this thing was evil I think it wanted my soul I finally tried to run away But the thing wouldn't let me go It grabbed a hold of my belt loop And I was pulling with all my might I think it gave me a wedgie Cause my underwear was gettin' tight The beast was trying to kill me Then someone turned on the light If you think it was mother-in-law Then, once again, you're right