The Evening News

Welcome America to tonights addition of the six o'clock news! San Fransisco has been shaken by yet another quake. New Orleans has been buried and is now a great lake. The body of a four year old has been recovered from a dumpster, wrapped in a garbage bag. A group of rioters were seen burning the American flag. A father could not take the pressure-he shot his wife and kids. We had a sighting of Bin Ladin, but he must have ran and hid. We seized thirty pounds of explosives from an airline terminal. We still don't have the prison space to deal with all our criminals. Because of oil shortages gas prices have reached an all time high. A bigger corporation has come to town so many jobs will die. We have lost the war on drugs-I have to tell the truth. We had to spend your social security-apologies to our youth. A woman was found stabbed to death in her home. Due to police cut backs no one was at the phones. Well, that's all the time we have today, please join us again at ten. I'm sure we'll have a lot more stories to report by then. Please don't use any water tomorrow as supplies are low this year. We are happy to report you got your news first here!