The Christian I Am Not

I have been a Christian for many years, Hiding behind the mad poet has drenched me with tears For I am a sinner the chief of them all Writing poetry that has made me feel appalled I have coveted, lied, hated and stole Indulged in adultery with an innocent sole I have broken my family, and now live in separate homes While writing perversions of my conquests in poems The thing that worries me, is that I feel nothing at all This is what scares Sidney. C Hall I see the ten commandments almost all broken Save for killing no words of remorse that are spoken Am I destined to a life burning in hell? As part of the masses with speeches that make heads swell Denying God and not seeking his Grace Awaiting the day to say “I have no excuse,” to his face Or believing a lie that there is no forgiveness And just going along my ungodly business Ladies and Gentleman my soul is in turmoil Sin runs through my veins causing my blood to boil I say to myself Sid you need to change, Then the next minute something take me out of range But I feel nothing, so how can this scare me If I feel nothing , why is fear in hell, I see Could this be God preparing my final years I hope and pray soaked in tears