The Almonds Incident

THE ALMONDS INCIDENT We got back from our power walk about an hour ago After changing clothes, she sat on the sofa with a fizzy juice cocktail and her novel of the week Remaining in the kitchen, I brought out a bag of roasted and salted almonds to enjoy with my own juicy drink One moment later, in came my wife in a peach tank top, striped pajama pants, shining grey hair, her fingernails and toenails painted the color of “La Vie en Rose”, who snatched up a handful of those exquisite tasting almonds from the small (OK, large, nearly full) bag on the table and returned to the living room like a Diane Keaton character having just made a point in a most lady-like way! One moment later, she started back toward the kitchen and I quickly hid the bag of almonds among the magazines and newspapers on the bench next to me “Where are they?!”, she said, her words falling into the spreading quicksand of my nonplussed expression “You hid them!”, she said, palming a handful of almonds right out of my bowl and returning to the living room with that sexy, indignant walk and petulant smile that only a long-married woman can pull off It was a sensual experience to finish up my almonds and look ahead to the weekend and our niece’s big wedding where my wife will be wearing a long navy blue dress and the sexiest navy blue stacked high-heeled wedge pumps I have ever seen in my life! The bride will be pretty. My wife will be stunning! I…will be out of my mind!!!