Thank You, Mother

THANK YOU, MOTHER Mama, today is your birthday, your ninety third if you are here; but you passed on in January and we, all your living children, are celebrating your life on Saturday with relatives and friends. We have arranged prayers for you and a program to entertain the guests with us, your children, some of your grandchildren and great grandchildren singing, dancing and reciting poems. As my biological mother, I never felt your warmth, caring and love; only your indifference that I always wondered why. I had asked you why and all I got was a deadening sound of silence. Since I was a child, I knew you gave me to your younger sister when I was over a year old and she became my “mother”. She was always the one, who instilled in me to treat and love you as my mother, so even with the knowledge that you gave me away and your indifference to me, you are a mother to me that I honor, respect and love you, even now that you are gone. Even with me knowing after you passed on that you gave me without Papa’s knowledge that saddened and hurt him so. Even upon knowing a few weeks ago that you did not want anything to do with me for whatever reason(s) you had. Although it hurt so much; it gave me peace to let go and felt sadness for you, to carry that weight, negativity, as a mother. I am thankful that I said “I love you” before you passed on because I do. Yet, I still have not shed a tear for you. I visited your graveyard this afternoon to have a moment and thank you for I would not be here without you and Papa. Happy birthday, Mama and may you rest in peace. I will always remember how you called me “Len”. It sounded so sweet, so tender like a mother’s loving touch, caress. Maybe, that was the other side of you that I never saw, never knew. Mother, a word so tender for it represents warmth, affection, love 11/18/21 Haibun - With A Message Poetry Charles Messina