Testimony of An Abuser

The substance of what I hoped for Was evident by what was seen, And by it I obtained a bad report; Through it I would sojourn in the vale of Jordan, as one reaching the mirage; But still without it I was impossible to please. Diligently I sought my rewards: Promises that could not tarry; As sand through the hour glass... fingers to mouth Gasping and grasping until a fist formed, I beat at air. I beat them: spoiling their goods for the substance Enjoying its pleasures for seasons at a time - But then later, I had no pleasure in myself. I found that I was the apprehended, so I drew back... When I heard the illumination of God speak of better things. I believed and still believe now seeking Him with diligence, That I may bring God pleasure and not shame, That I may enrich others And that I may now Apprehend that for which I'm apprehended of Jesus - For the substance of what I now hope for Is evident by what is not seen, And by it I shall obtain a good report. Scripture Compilation Hebrews 10:35-39; 11:1-16 Philippians 3:12-14