Ten Haiku

lily in spring the sunlight growing around it summer wanes land and oceans each collide the heron is still thundering raindrops pierce the dawn rivers echo through the moon,s silhouette chrysalis stirs spring takes flight on a rose petal a raven calls winter rain grips the heavy sky swaying grass summer sun brings silence to rippling lake speckled path autumn,s coverlet boldly disguises golden waves caress the shoreline beach erodes eagle perches darkness calls in hushed voice from ample blue sky

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Debbie Guzzi

Date: 2/2/2012 7:16:00 AM

ex: a spring lilly/growing in the sun/clippers on the lawn [subject lilly verb growing lines 1 & 2 connected line 3 another image at the fringe of your vision taking the mind other places] The second one uses personification so I'll move on to # 3 this one is MUCH better you need to indication the cut/juxtaposition by using -- at the end of the 2 joined lines [a still heron--/ thunder and raindrops/pierce the dawn]

Rhonda Johnson-Saunders
Date: 2/2/2012 4:18:00 PM

Thank you Debbie for taking the time to comment about my haiku. I started writing them a few months ago and enjoy the traditional haiku you describe. I have written some more modern haiku for other publications and it seems they are more lenient on personification. I am learning the difference. Some publications seem very strict abt the 5-7-5 as well but others seem to believe less is more. I'm so happy you took an interest in my writing. Your comments are appreciated. I changed the second haiku (wanes for waits). Seems to work better. I would be grateful for more feedback as I continue writing in this format! Blessings, Rhonda

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 2/2/2012 7:09:00 AM

very charming short writes! the form haiku is one of the hardest there is to write. To write it one must completely change from a western to an eastern mind set. haiku was meant to be SHOWING not telling. In the moment like a snap shot with no judgemental or imaginary information added to the image by the poet. 2 lines must be connected gramatically & conceptually & the 3rd line must be a side step/juxtaposition to the first 2..so 1 subject/few verbs [ the poetry of nouns] no poetic devises

Anne-Lise Andresen

Date: 2/2/2012 12:59:00 AM

Wery good Haiku,Rhonda....love the way you do it. - oxox love Anne-Lise

Rhonda Johnson-Saunders
Date: 2/2/2012 1:04:00 AM

Thanks, Anne-Lise!! I like the form and I'm still looking for advise to improve. But now time to sleep, 3 a.m. my time. Ouch! Blessings, Rhonda