Ten Haiku

lily in spring
the sunlight growing 
around it

summer wanes
land and oceans each 
collide 

the heron is still 
thundering raindrops 
pierce the dawn

rivers echo 
through the moon,s 
silhouette 

chrysalis stirs 
spring takes flight 
on a rose petal

a raven calls 
winter rain grips 
the heavy sky

swaying grass 
summer sun brings silence 
to rippling lake   

speckled path 
autumn,s coverlet 
boldly disguises  

golden waves 
caress the shoreline 
beach erodes

eagle perches
darkness calls in hushed voice  
from ample blue sky

naturehaiku

Post Comments

Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.

Please Login to post a comment

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 2/2/2012 7:16:00 AM

ex: a spring lilly/growing in the sun/clippers on the lawn [subject lilly verb growing lines 1 & 2 connected line 3 another image at the fringe of your vision taking the mind other places] The second one uses personification so I'll move on to # 3 this one is MUCH better you need to indication the cut/juxtaposition by using -- at the end of the 2 joined lines [a still heron--/ thunder and raindrops/pierce the dawn]

Rhonda Johnson-Saunders
Date: 2/2/2012 4:18:00 PM

Thank you Debbie for taking the time to comment about my haiku. I started writing them a few months ago and enjoy the traditional haiku you describe. I have written some more modern haiku for other publications and it seems they are more lenient on personification. I am learning the difference. Some publications seem very strict abt the 5-7-5 as well but others seem to believe less is more. I'm so happy you took an interest in my writing. Your comments are appreciated. I changed the second haiku (wanes for waits). Seems to work better. I would be grateful for more feedback as I continue writing in this format! Blessings, Rhonda

Debbie Guzzi

Date: 2/2/2012 7:09:00 AM

very charming short writes! the form haiku is one of the hardest there is to write. To write it one must completely change from a western to an eastern mind set. haiku was meant to be SHOWING not telling. In the moment like a snap shot with no judgemental or imaginary information added to the image by the poet. 2 lines must be connected gramatically & conceptually & the 3rd line must be a side step/juxtaposition to the first 2..so 1 subject/few verbs [ the poetry of nouns] no poetic devises