Ten Gallon Hat

I come from the borough of Queens, New York My classmates call me a Klutz and a dork Those names pervaded my soul, taking a toll Being at the bottom of the totem pole. Then Dad took me to the town of Tortilla Flat I walked into a store, bought a ten-gallon hat I started talking like John Wayne, also bought some boots It’s funny how a costume can make a mind slip its roots The ranchers nodded with respect; I looked like them Cowgirls smiled in my direction, one shone like a gem She said there’s a rodeo at half past three Come join us there, my friends and me. I said sure, I’ll mosey down there I’ll bring some popcorn that we all can share When the time came, I walked into the ring But through the wrong door, that was the thing. Two guys lifted me onto a horse, and opened the gate I shouted, “I’m not a performer!” but it was too late The horse bolted out, then tried a somersault I held on for dear life, couldn’t them girls call a halt? They told me later, t’was the worst horse in the west I flew over its mane, but it was a personal best The crowd went wild, but I threw the hat on the mud Dropped all the popcorn, wiped off the blood The cowgirl looked adoring, said “that was so cool” I looked at her, but my mood was cruel Said “I’m a nerd from Queens, don’t want to pretend Keep that dang hat, this all got to end." Dad took me home, the worse for wear He got me a baseball hat so nobody would stare. I put it on backwards, I don’t really care Buy the wrong hat, and it’s dangerous out there.