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Teary Eyes Were No Disguise By Poefree

TEARY EYES WERE NO DISGUISE All her dreams were falsehoods and all her plans were lies Her objective was to get that which she could get Her crimson kisses were temptation in disguise And I curse the day the both of us first met ‘twas on a Thursday afternoon I do believe When she recognized my apparent need for love For I must have worn my heart upon my sleeve A sleeve which led to a worn out and bloody glove My search had reached it’s apex on that Thursday I thought that a lasting love had just arrived But now I recall that afternoon as dull, grievous and gray And when she left I’ll never know how I survived I had my hopes and she had her agenda planned And if I’d only known her objective was to use me Each day since her departure happiness has been banned And if I seem maudlin with teary eyes please, I beg you, excuse me ©2010.….free cee!

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Black Eyed Susan

Date: 4/7/2011 1:11:00 PM

This rhyme scheme is better than the last one I read. It flows better, though it is still awkward in a spot or two. What I really like is the deliberate space between "was to" and "use me." I also love the lines "her crimson kisses were temptation in disguise" and the end "excuse me" as a way of explaining his behavior. I also liked the use of color in your 1st three stanzas - crimson to bloody(red) to gray. I think that the lack of color in the 4th stanza is just as telling. Nice job with that.