Teaching Chimps Some Words

We should teach the chimpanzees to read the names of certain things. Objects like tools for instance then label the tools: hammer, saw, axe, screwdriver etcetera, then screws and nails. Teach them just enough words to know a pickaxe from a pencil…just a few practical words for practical applications, not too many, otherwise they might turn into poets, and god-knows we don’t need anymore of that. The chimps could build dog kennels for dogs, shelves for their tools. Park benches for other more elderly chimps. They will, of course have no use for words like romance, religion and politics. If they wanted to fight among themselves (as chimps often do), they could simply go back to grunting, screaming and throwing sticks at each other, as we used to. I might have made a miscalculation, maybe tools for low-tech apes eventually leads to holocausts and Hiroshima. Perhaps after all, we will just teach them how to write poetry for those who prefer their muse to scream and grunt a bit. Then maybe we can start on the dogs and cats; force them to play the piano for a living.