Surviving Life

The water felt good. I fell from where I stood. Knees are both weak; Been under a spell for a week. Now that it was broken, I'm left shaken. In the water I sunk, Letting my body get drunk. I needed some more; I wanted so much more. Took the dose Until I overdose. It started with one, Now I'm never done. It takes everything away. Leaving me numb for a day. Forgetting the pain, Happiness, I hope to gain. In my mind was a vast space Couldn't remember my own face. I felt so very high Not thinking it was all a lie. Believed I am free, That my troubles had let me be. I took every pill Until I lost my own will. A friend is what it seemed In a promise of bliss it beemed. I couldn't accept my fate And for a time I lost my faith. That night, in the hotel room; And after, in every other room. Over and over -- Til I could no longer remember How it felt to be pure; Or if I ever was, I wasn't sure. Touch that made my skin crawl Stares that made me feel small. I wanted to forget and not feel Hoping nothing's real. I let myself drown in ecstasy For a while I lived in a fantasy. Until one day, In the middle of all the dissarray, I saw the son I hold dear In his eyes there's only fear. I knew then for a time I was lost, His fears touched me the most. I had to do something For him I'd do anything. I took the easy way out, This I knew without a doubt. So I took each pill Flushed it down as I stood still. I know I will get better For my son deserves better.