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Summer Grind Senryu

summer cruise
we park in the side road
and backseat grind

lifeloveseasonssenryu

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Dane Ann Smith-Johnsen

March 17, 2010 at 5:21 AM

Effective imagery in this senryu, Hai Au. What about the zoo or a museum...I know, the library! Lovingly, Dane Ann

Debbie Guzzi

February 13, 2010 at 1:55 PM

Ouuuuulaalalaaaa... Perhaps you'd like my Up Periscope? I love all thats' not said!

Carrie Richards

July 5, 2009 at 9:56 AM

You put the fire under the soup, and warmed it up!! Congratulations on being among the Hot Poems this week!! Great job!! :)

Ashley Yates

July 5, 2009 at 8:03 AM

Straight and to the point, I can imagine that very well very passionate.... Great write! Thanks for the comment!

Nicole Sharon Brown

July 3, 2009 at 2:42 PM

Love it, great write !

Sue Mason

July 2, 2009 at 7:52 PM

Well welcome to PoetrySoup Hai !! As you probably already know (but may have forgot ... smile) this is really a Senryu form as the Haiku is left for thoughts of nature and the Senryu is used for human behavior. And who hasn't participated in this ... LOL ... anyway, sorry if my school teacher is coming out and thanks so much for your comment on my writing! It was much appreciated.

Sara Kendrick

July 2, 2009 at 5:09 PM

Interesting Haiku. Sara

Joanne Carty

July 2, 2009 at 2:10 PM

cheeky! good write.

John Tanaskow

July 1, 2009 at 3:42 AM

seems like she's already touched you. just her dancing is inconsistent. and she doesn't much listen to me.

James Fraser

June 30, 2009 at 2:38 PM

Excellent write Hai>>James

Matthew Anish

June 30, 2009 at 9:13 AM

Pretty poem - but I think ist is a senryu because it is not about nature. Sounds like agreat experience. Yours Matthew Anish

Sandra Hudson

June 29, 2009 at 7:51 PM

Hello Hai, I liked your answer or comment to Kareena. About hearing in black and white. That was very clever as well! Check your syllable count in line two, I believe it has eight. Just take out I and it's perfect! Is that what they mean when they say moons over Miami?:))-AA

Alley Poe

June 29, 2009 at 7:15 PM

What a beautiful feeling you have shown in this lovely haiku. Congrats! -Alley

Charlene Bird

June 29, 2009 at 6:55 PM

Loving in the back seat down a country road, Oh! how this piece just takes me home! Loved it!

Lee Nguyen

June 29, 2009 at 4:20 PM

haha turning the lights off the shower makes it all lok more romantic. cuz u use the moonlight in the window. gotta try it to see what im talking about. thanks for the comments.