William Borntrager Poet Narrative

Suicide Note

I'm sorry I haven't written in some time 
I've been lost in myself. I've been trying to find 
just one reason I shouldn't leave this life behind 
close the door on the past, which still torments my mind 
sure, I know all these years you've been trying to prod 
me along the right path saying “let go, let God” 
but to let go of guilt is what seemed to evade me 
for some reason not even God could persuade me 
There's so many times that I've wanted to die 
that I've wanted to call you and just say goodbye 
but I'd suddenly see the tears fall from your eyes 
so I'd drink myself numb and continue the lie 
I've been living and still live to this very day 
I just want it to end, I cannot live this way 
anymore, please just know I'm not putting the blame 
on you. You're not the reason I'm living in shame 
If I told you I loved you I probably meant it 
but words weren't enough, so you'll probably resent it 
There's so many things I've been needing to say 
I've kept locked up inside, my fear stood in the way 
and I've lost all these years to my selfish desires 
I've laughed as your dreams for us slowly expired 
If there was just one thing left for me to do 
I would go back in time to the day I met you 
and forget all those things that you wanted to show me 
I'd just walk away so you would never know me 
Forgive me for every word that I'm saying 
I know with each word that I'm surely betraying 
the hopes and the dreams through the years we have built 
but your innocence just cannot outweigh my guilt 
so good bye and I'm sorry. I'll always regret 
how I came to be someone you'll never forget.

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Charmaine Chircop November 29, 2009 at 8:13 AM This poem is full of feeling and emotions..heartfelt indeed,touched me to the core--Charma

Robert A. Dufresne November 28, 2009 at 12:43 PM Alot of talent packed in to be able to say those things so clearly yet with feeling. Very moving. I don't know if this is a narrative or true but Ill say one for you anyway, William. God bless you. Thanks for sharing.