Suicide Child
I can't remember if the sun was shining
Or if the clouds looked down on me as I stood
A child of ten standing on a window sill
Whispering to himself he should
It started shortly after I woke
Distant where the trigger was
I'm guessing just the overflow
of everything they did and said
Finally ground down by all around
And though I'd fought for years
Death becomes a friend
When she's the only one there for you
Knowing I would soon be in the playground
Where no nurse could make better the names they cruelled
Knowing my mothers boyfriend was down stairs
Waiting for his latest vile whim to unfold
My mind consumed by every name called
I was not the same they proved
Alone in my crowded thoughts
T o death I looked for belonging
As I dressed my imagination dreamt
What could happen today?
Exploding into the unknown
My strength rapidly dissolved
I could see no directions
that didn't lead to another painful day
As my journey to the end begun
All they told me loading the gun
All that made me different from
Pushing me closer and closer to the edge of no return
In front of the mirror I stood
Cut off my curly hair
No longer the golliwog
That their taunts would compare
I covered my skin in talcum powder
As I didn't want to be
That horrible thick coon
he always called me.
My hair a mess
My colour unmasked
Tired, Frightened, alone,
I decided enough, enough
Standing on the window sill
The last bastion for survival colliding inside
As the exhausted wishes to hang on
Were overcome by the desperation to escape this hollow excuse for life
No single tear a cry for help
As id learnt they choose not to hear
I urge myself towards an end to the hurt
where the crying would clear
As I engulf my mind in my final moments
And call for death to take my hand
From across the road a woman called
To this day she probably doesn't know she saved my life
Tears unintentionally
Created rivers down talcum powdered cheeks
But my mother didn't laugh
when she found me
I guess that's where you'd expect everything to be made right
I guess that's where I learnt to no longer believe
Through every promising word in the wake of what could
They didn't do what they should
Post Comments
Poetrysoup is an environment of encouragement and growth so only provide specific positive comments that indicate what you appreciate about the poem. Negative comments will result your account being banned.
Please
Login
to post a comment