Suicide By Any Other Name
Suicide by any other name
Thought I had finally seen the light at the end of the tunnel.
I should have known, it was not the end, but merely a sharp turn
Each step I take feels like a walk through wet cement
Breathing is shallow, labored, fragile, and it KNOWS
The SHADOW of who I once was, a lifetime ago
Always just out of reach, just out of sight
Constantly there to confront me with the
Mind numbing reality of what my life has become!
RUN, I shout into the emptiness;
and then I "Grock" just how absurd it all is.
Run, I can hardly move!
If I were not nearly paralyzed with fear
I could have laughed in its face
My Dopamine depleted brain forsakes the activities of a "normal' functional adult
Immobile, inactive, imprisoned, I stand silent and incoherent
In a desperate and impulsive effort to dispel the nightmare,
To put it to rest, to extinguish the light, to be finished!
I awake in a fog, people are talking, I hear but cannot see.
I am disembodied, neither here nor there
Back to oblivion, back to sleep, to rest, to dream.
When I once again awake, I am informed of my attempted suicide!
In the end, it matters not whether you win or lose
but how we play the game
But when the game seems fixed
and the results are always the same,
Suicide by any other name.
Copyright © Barry Ponneck | Year Posted 2014
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